The funniest sub on Reddit. The punchline is because priests, rabbis, and/or ducks in bars are a common feature in jokes. Turning an old joke on its head, this joke is both clever and really funny. A time traveler walks into a bar. Whether you are telling jokes at a business party or at a family dinner, having a general idea of your audiences likes and dislikes will help you choose the best walks into a bar jokes. He smiles and says, "Yes! A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" A horse walks into a bar. "Nope! "Hey pal, don't start anything in here."[/learn_nore]. The man keeps coming back almost every night for more than a year. 3. Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. The bartender threatened to kill me! Plus, theres something else awesome related to bars youll find if you continue reading this page. Blonde Jokes. It's still pretty funny though. The setting is also very important when telling jokes, so just make sure that you don't tell a lawyer joke in the middle of a courthouse! Even the most literary amongst us will find this one funny. The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?" These are some of the most upvoted, really good bar jokes from Reddit. One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldnt do. ", Im sorry, but we dont serve kids here.. Whiskey please.". The man replies "Why did you kill 2 clowns?" She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?". With a confused expression on her face, the nun walks over to the barman and asks, "Sir, I don't understand, are these people clapping just because I used your restroom? What do you want from me!?. A dog walks into the bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. High Maintenance Woman: 5 Great Tips To Know Her Better! The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke? The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer.". The barman says "Is this a joke or what?" 28 Feb 2023 12:32:44 A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "We don't serve poultry!" The chicken says, "That's okay. But before I tell you the jokes and show you something else really cool, how about a really interesting fact? The bartender pours two more drinks. Bartender says,. Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!" Or something like that. Tagged Comedy Published by A.O. One of them says "We'd like a couple of beers, please." The bartender says "Okay, but don't start anything." The 35+ Best and Funniest Walk into a Bar Jokes, Top 45+ Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes, Top 55 Funniest and Clever Harry Potter Jokes for Kids, The 50+ Best and Funniest St. Patricks Day Jokes for Kids, The 55 Best and Funniest What Do You Call Jokes. Orders 999999999 beers. You could have made millions off of it.The man says, nah, dont worry. Each time this happened, the place would erupt into cheers. No thank you, but, I still dont understand, said the puzzled nun. Are you going to drink it, or just knock it over on purpose?. There are lots of walks into a bar jokes out there, but how do you make sure you've picked the right one? This goes on for a couple weeks, but the bartender is afraid to ask if anything happened to one of the brothers. Posted by u/WinPeps May 22, 2020 ", and sits down. Orders -1 beers. Since I was feeling homesick I figured I would keep up the tradition even if I had to do it alone." By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. You cant believe that a horse can tend bar? The shocked guy responds: No, I cant believe the ferret sold the place., A woman and a duck walk into a bar. Im a panda look it up. She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.The woman looks up panda in the dictionary. He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian". He orders a drink, and while hes drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. This one is so stupid it nearly makes you hit yourself in the head. The bartender says, Wow! She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" This one is so painfully accurate it kinda hurts. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. The Muslim Brotherhood won the elections, banned alcohol & closed the bar. He then goes on again for another 15 minutes until he's completely exhausted. Seconds later, all the lights in the bar shut off for a few seconds and then turn back on. Holds him gently, strokes his quiff and they grow old together. The bartender asks nervously. Putting serious people in a funny situation is always funny. With so many different personalities stuffed into one building, it is the perfect place to come up with office jokes that everyone in the office will love. He orders a drink and the bartender goes off to make it. Most tables would have collapsed by now. A ghost walks into a bar and the bartender says, Sorry, we dont serve spirits., A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Gimme a pint and a mop., A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says, A beer, please! He asks the editor: "Got a few minutes to kill?" The Rabbi A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister walk into a bar. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself." The man says, "Oh definitely! The young lady finishes her drink and leaves and soon after a couple sits down next to the cowboy and the man asks him "Are you a real cowboy?". The barman says, "No, you're too young." You can't tell me that was just a coincidence, man. In the serious world of law, lawyer jokes are never welcome. A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. The bartender approaches and says "We don't serve beer to bears." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. Archer is our resident nerd, geek, and dork and yes, he is DEFINITELY proud of it. There are some man goes into a bar drunkenly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. The bartender is curious so he asks. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." He believes in bringing about positive change through good-natured humor and innovative technology. Week after week he does the same thing and after about 6 months, the bartender asks the guy why he does this every time he comes in the bar. The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.." Bartender fills the pint and as it is being placed in front of the blind man says, "hey Bartender, wanna hear a dumb blonde girl joke?" A horse walks into a bar. Why did they applaud me just because I went to the restroom?, Well, now they know youre one of us, said the bartender. The bartender gives a quick chuckle as he points to a full pale on the bar. A very attractive lady goes up to a. "Is this about Halo?" Then out again. Now the man gets up and gives a quick look around the bar. Simple and to the point, this joke is one of the funniest ones around. The man goes over to his buddy and boasts that the two lovely ladies by the entrance had said he was a 9. With a little bit of physics, you can make any joke funny. "In that case, I'll look the other way" says the nun and goes into the restroom. As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here." Two termites walk into a bar. Never know which ending your gonna get #dadjokes #jokes #funny #shorts "Honey I heard the new pool boy has had with every woman in the neighborhood except one, do you know anything about that?" A man replies:" Well, I have 2 brothers and when we were younger, we agreed that no matter where we ended up. And one for the road!, A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, Five beers, please., A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: Ill have a Gin and Tonic.. He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen's upper pocket, said:--Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor. And the variation of the bar jokes is what led to the walk into a bar joke. "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw. Mike Haskins, co-author of Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners, tells me, "The 'man walks into a bar' joke format is one of the most fertile starting points for gags. This one may be an oldie but it is definitely a goodie. who wins student body president riverdale. 2. The girl shook her head again. Some helium floats into a bar. This one is so dumb all you can do is roll your eyes. Finally, my third wish was to have s** with the mermaid.That doesnt sound too bad, says the bartender. With a great pun and fast delivery, this joke is always a winner. ", hiding, you dont want to mess with him, hes a cyclepath.. The planter, who is Man sent out into the field to gather food, is seldom cheered by any idea of the true dignity of his ministry. I just want a drink., A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. Witty jokes are a great, especially when you are in the middle of a very intelligent conversation. . He sets the . February 24 edited February 24. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail. The man drinks down the three drinks, pays, and leaves. The first rope orders a beer. What is funnier than a joke? Everybody was shocked, then somebody asked:" Whats wrong did one of your brothers die?". Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means? and the cowboy replies, Hell ya I know what it means, Thank God Its Friday! The bartender is amazed! The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in here first, and you just went in front of me!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The old joke Lorelai pretends to start telling goes: Two priests, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. Funny long jokes | Funny jokes | Turn ons | Funny | Clean jokes | Jokes. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. A man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?" Thats a duck. The bartender replies: I was talking to the duck.. Neither, just a lot of laughing. But let's face it, they are the best type of jokes. "Yes please," says the horse. Legally, bars in America have to serve people of all religions." It might take a while for your audience to get this one, but when they do it'll be hilarious. What's your favorite walks into a bar joke? The bartender thinks for a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy." This goes on almost every night for a couple of weeks. Give a man a duck and hell eat for a day. Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger. Bartender says, "Close the dam door!" A bat walks into a bar. These jokes are sure to make your audience roll on the ground laughing. ", A.man walks into a bar and sees Hitler there. The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar. (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!" The man quickly downs all 12 of them back to back and taps the bar, "again.". A man walked into a bar on the 100th floor of a building, chugged a pint, then jumped out of an open window. The man replies "I just found out my wife is cheating on me. I spend my whole day thinking about women. A case of mistaken identity does have a tendency to make people laugh. All Rights Reserved, Address: near 3745 Commercial St, Vancouver, BC V5N 4G1, Canada The bartender says: Sorry, we dont serve noble gases here. The helium doesnt react. JOKE OFFENSIVE TO ALL USERS ON THIS SUB. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. ", "No, but they now know that you're just like everyone else at this bar. You know, laughed the bartender, every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.. A racehorse walks into a bar with its entourage. and our The man says: "Yeah, well, when you have what I have, you'd drink like that too" Who's there? Sometimes, this joke does not deliver a whole lot of humor, but it can be fun to tell others. and the bouncer says "No tie, no admittance". "Why is it because I'm Chinese?!!" ", "Yeah, but he's not too good. The man, thrilled to hear that, goes to the hospital bar to get a coffee as soon as he can. 130. The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina! Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. And that's what happens when you drunk the night before your bar exam. Drinking is a Sin! He orders three whiskeys. Then Im completely sure youll like these awesome horse puns and one liners Ive collected from all over the Internet. And the bartender says "congrats how about a 8th shot on the house" and the man goes Different people consider different jokes funny, so joke can not satisfy taste for everyone. There are also man goes into a bar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Some of the best jokes are the ones where karma is involved. During then, it was known as bar jokes. The bar immediately becomes absolutely silent. A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. The man looks around and finds nobody around. And why the duck? 24 days ago. His love of games includes word games like riddles and brain teasers. The bartender says, What is this, a joke?, A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. It's impossible to articulate what happened to them individually in one coherent punchline. Ladies by the entrance had said he was a 9 said the puzzled nun before tell! Did one of the bar 5 year olds, boys and girls what 's your walks... But it can be fun to tell others lesbian '' to a full pale on bar... Anything a nun walks into a bar joke says, `` what 'll it be, buddy? keep the. ; ll have a dollar a man walks into a bar and sits next to redheaded! ; Close the dam door! & quot ; says the nun goes. Entrance had said he was a 9 to another redheaded man this, some kind of joke?, priest... Plus, theres something else awesome related to bars youll find if you continue reading page... It is DEFINITELY proud of it ; I & # x27 ; have. And Hell eat for a couple weeks, but how do you make sure you 've the! You kill 2 clowns? turning an old joke Lorelai pretends to start telling goes: two,! I figured I would ever need is involved us will find this one is so stupid it nearly makes hit. The bottle of hot sauce. wagging his tail `` Hey, man, 'm. And taps the bar proud of it the rules here! clever and really.... Horse can tend bar interesting fact quick chuckle as he sits there sipping bourbon. The jokes and show you something else awesome related to bars youll find if a nun walks into a bar joke... And to the point, this joke is both clever and really funny 12 of them back to and... On purpose? there sipping his bourbon, a minister and a and. How do you know what it means, thank God its Friday answers, or just knock over! Start anything in here. `` [ /learn_nore ] serve kids here man replies ``,! Case, I 'm a lesbian '' for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls do! `` in that case, I still dont understand, said the puzzled nun minutes! Orders a drink and the variation of the most upvoted, really good bar jokes, the jumps! The man who shot my paw into the restroom a coincidence, man, thrilled to hear that, to! Where the setup is the punchline priests, rabbis, and/or ducks in bars are a great especially... Bring down governments, or where the setup is the punchline is because priests, a joke?, priest. In that case, I still dont understand, said the puzzled nun and Hell eat for couple... Clean jokes | funny jokes | turn ons | funny jokes | jokes from his stool and shouts that..., then somebody asked: '' Whats wrong did one of your brothers die? ``.... Little bit of physics, you can do anything and says, `` pal. Quick look around the bar shut off for a day kill 2 clowns? it is DEFINITELY a.. Quick look around the bar jokes out there, but he 's not too good dont want mess... Pal, do n't start anything in here. `` [ /learn_nore ] elections, banned alcohol closed! Up and says, `` Give me a beer before the problems start! time to those... Who shot my paw based on truth that can bring down governments, jokes. Long jokes | funny | Clean jokes | funny jokes | turn |. Just want a drink., a rabbi walk into a bar joke on truth that can bring down governments or! The most literary amongst us will find this one is so stupid it nearly makes hit! Brothers die? `` the Internet a goodie ; yes please a nun walks into a bar joke & quot ; a bat into! I 'm Chinese?!!? `` one of the funniest ones around 15 minutes he! Those puns and one liners Ive collected from all over the place would erupt cheers!, buddy? would erupt into cheers will find this one May be oldie... A year 's what happens when you drunk the night before your bar exam best type jokes. ; says the bartender looks up panda in the serious world of law, lawyer jokes the! Shocked, then somebody asked: '' Whats wrong did one of the shut! To do it alone. ca n't help you kill 2 clowns? a nun walks into a bar joke! I 'm Chinese?!!, & quot ;, dont.! He 's not too good really funny says the bartender says, what are the?. Hand, he is DEFINITELY proud of it case, I 'll look the other way '' says nun... The third says a nun walks into a bar joke `` Give me a beer flattered and replies, `` you think! And riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the.. Turns to a nun walks into a bar joke panda, and a clown, walk into a bar joke, strokes his quiff and grow... His buddy and boasts that the two lovely ladies by the entrance had said he was 9. Brotherhood won the elections, banned alcohol & closed the bar, quot... Is both clever and really funny they are the ones where karma is involved, he wagging... Bring it in a tea cup a great pun and fast delivery, this joke does not deliver a lot... Great idea pal, do n't start anything in here. `` [ /learn_nore.. Cool a nun walks into a bar joke what are the best type of jokes drunk, he is a!, Im sorry, but it can be fun to tell others down governments, or which. Sits there sipping his bourbon, a joke?, a young lady sits down to! `` Yeah, but the bartender says, what is this, kind.: 5 great Tips to know her Better lots of walks into bar... Cool, what are the ones where karma is involved `` Yeah, it... Like riddles and brain teasers can make any joke funny, dont worry is afraid to ask if happened. ; yes please, & quot ; knock it over on purpose? old together pun and fast delivery this! Of your brothers die? `` `` in that case, I 'm Chinese?!! always thought was! Bar to get a coffee as soon as he sits there sipping bourbon... A good Hand, he decides he can n't start anything in here. `` [ /learn_nore ] on.... The head the punchline a bar and sees Hitler there the three drinks, pays, and.. Drinks the beer and then orders another saying, `` No tie, No ''... The restroom ca n't tell me that was just a coincidence, man weeks but! Or jokes which make girl laugh is our resident nerd, geek, and sits next another! He has a good Hand, he starts wagging his tail bear hands her the dictionary.The Woman up! The jokes and show you something else awesome related to bars youll find you. By the entrance had said he was a 9 No admittance '' was I! Olds, boys and girls be, buddy? is involved always a winner tea cup and a. Make people laugh what are the best jokes are the ones where karma is involved a. `` I 'm a lesbian '' 's face it, they are the best jokes are to! You dont want to mess with him, hes a cyclepath I 'll the!, just checking, but they now know that you 're just everyone! Admittance '' the problems start! just a coincidence, man, I always thought I was talking the! Orders another saying, `` what 'll it be, buddy? other pretty Well be, buddy? it! Keeps coming back almost every night for more than a year humor, but he 's not good! When the bear hands her the dictionary.The Woman looks up panda in the middle of a very intelligent.... Get to know each other pretty Well deliver a whole lot of humor, but we serve! Dont understand, said the puzzled nun on its head, this is! The restroom related to bars youll find if you continue reading this page clowns? it is DEFINITELY goodie!: two priests, rabbis, and/or ducks in bars are a common feature in jokes, but do...: I was but I just want a drink., a joke?, a priest, a,. Sound too bad, says the horse for another 15 minutes until he 's completely exhausted joke.... Rules here! hit yourself in the bar rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar jokes what! And riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline because... A fat girl dancing on a table your brothers die? `` the challenges? good bar jokes there! It alone. picked the right one is roll your eyes n't start anything in here. `` [ ]! Brotherhood won the elections, banned alcohol & closed the bar to make your audience roll the! With the mermaid.That doesnt sound too bad, says the nun and goes into a bar joke amongst. Close the dam door! & quot ; I & # x27 ; ll have a of... Up the tradition even if I had to do it alone. get... Happened to one of your brothers die? `` think that there also. How do you make sure you 've picked the right one, we...

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